Dykes on Bikes Race to
Parent Palin Offspring
Chauncey Roberts Copyright 2015
Okay, Dykes on Bikes, start your
engines!
The first lesbian to reach the rainbow-colored
White House will get chance to fight with Bristol Palin, possibly marry her,
and also parent her next unplanned baby!
The second place winner will get a one
minute speech from Chelsea Clinton valued at $6,500.
Third place offers a night with
Caitlyn, previously Bruce Jenner
And the fourth place winner will
accompany Sarah Palin to the Betcha by Golly Wow Music Awards, singing “You’re
the one that I’ve been waiting for forever.”
Oh!
Here is Vice President Dick Cheney!
Mr. Vice President, are you here to cheer on your daughter in the Dykes
on Bikes America Race?
“I support my daughter in her endeavors
but prefer to be remembered for waterboarding and torture,” responds Cheney
grimly. “Trampling on international rule
of law and Geneva Conventions is so much more thrilling than this abominable
business of the Supreme Court overstepping its bounds.”
As the Dykes on Bikes make their way
through Iowa they encounter presidential candidate Donald Trump.
“I think the White House should stay
white!” exclaims the Donald. “It’s
always been white. Somebody should be
fired. Do the Obamas have no shame? I want to restore America to her true
colors: red white and blue, Uncle Sam,
apple pie and Aunt Jemima.”
But Donald! Do you think the Koch Brothers, Rush Windbag,
Fox News and you can turn back the clock?
Restore America to her time of Innocence?
“It doesn’t matter,” quips the
Donald. “As long as we have Citizens
United and Wall Street Banksters, who cares what these Dykes on Bikes do? I can kick Bernie Sanders’ ass back to
Burlington, Vermont. Have you not seen
my pompadour punch?”
As the Dykes on Bikes wind their way
through Chicago, will Oprah come out on her bike in support? No, she is shaking her head, Cheshire cat eyes
half-closed.
On to West Virginia! Where Senator Shelly Moore Capito is marching
against the Supreme Court gay marriage ruling.
Senator Capito! Is there any way
the Dykes on Bikes presence here can reverse your longstanding opposition to
gay marriage? WHOOPS! Senator Capito seems to have been clobbered
by a pair of aggressive female golfers from the Greenbrier Hotel! And away she goes, swept aside by flooding of
the climate change she says does not exist.
Now it’s on to Harpers Ferry! John Brown’s raid, and history!
Ellen DeGeneres is in first place! Ellen, you’re in excellent shape!
“Indeed I am!” shouts the comedienne as
she rounds a corner with blue-haired old pussies coming from the Methodist
Church.
But are you in such a rush to fight
Bristol Palin, marry her and parent her unplanned baby?
“Not at all. I have my eyes set on Chelsea Clinton. I could easily be the first dyke
president. Deftly outmaneuvering the
Donald and the Koch Brothers, I’m on the last leg of my journey. Down with the Washington Monument and phallic
symbols! Come on, girls!”
